Game 044:Brown 57, at Princeton 52 Friday, January 28, 2005 Jadwin Gym - Princeton, NJ
All well-earned due respect to the National Invitation Tournament, but you won't find a more boisterous bracket than the septuple-elimination slate in the Ancient Eight!
"Ace" Whelliston here, follower of the bouncing basket-ball, your guide to all items Ivy! This fearless fedora clings to that crusty conference like the palmately-lobed climbing plant of its appelative! And today, the trek terminates at the tracks of the Tiger!
There is no carnivorous cat clamoring with the cadence of the Tiger-man of Princeton! On this Friday night, their lair lured those hapless honeythiefs of the Ivy League, the Bears of Brown! Folks in the know will tell you that when these two hard-courting hoop clubs collide, it can get downright zoological! This reporter is one of there-mentioned sharpwits! The natural order of phyllum Chordata notwithstanding, the Princetonians dominate this basket-ball series to the point of Ursidae extinction!
From the outset, the Princeton five did the old Good Northern Doctor proud with their patient play! Their wily waiting! Their ponderous Princetonian ploddings! No whiteshirt dared to air the orb until each laid hand on the brown leather of the basket-ball!
But wait! Could this reporter's eyes deceive? The brown-garbed Browns were equal to the challenge at hand! This reporter marvelled at their newfound vim, their vigorous vigor! Their devastaing discipline! Hoo boy, basket-ball fans, the claws were out! The roar of the Tiger was equalled in bluster by the bellowing of the hooping Bears!
The Brownclads have a fiery 'snapper called Jason Forte, and this young gent's particular forte is flinging the roundball in the direction of the peach basket! He helmed a fierce backcountry Bear attack, netting a net total of nineteen! His fellow cubs were equally effective at gaining goals, rifling the rim at the ridiculous rate of four-of-six!
The Tigers smelled trouble, and that was because they were in it! And as every Boy Scout knows, you never play dead in the face of a brusque Bear bully! (you can trust this reporter on that tack, as he is the proud recipient of the Arrow of Light Award!)
But the fierce felines blinked! Their solemn strategizing was solidly stripped! As the sands in the hourglass slid, the Princetons were pulverized into a pithy panic! A newfangled wrinkle in basket-ball nowadays allows for a goal attempt from a twenty-foot distance to count for an additional scoreboard tally, and the homestanders let these "three-point" tries fly with absolute abandon! But their attempt to gap the gap were ultimately unsuccessful, and their undoing was done!
(Allow this reporter a moment of comment in amongst the commentary! Aces high to its high artful arc, but this "three-point goal" will never fly!)
Forty brisk minutes of basket-ball action was complete, and the result was in! The Brown Bears were barely champions of the day! With their fifty-seven, it was a victory over their unhappy hosts by a quantitative quint! It's said that the people always say that you can't outshine Brown men with their RAH! RAH! RAH! and their KI! YI! YI! And this reporter is now one of them! Huzzah! Hip, hooray!
So are the Browns indeed worthy of renown? Are they ready to challenge the heavyweights of the hooping world, the Oklahoma A&M's, NYU's and City Colleges of New York? We shall see, basket-ball fans, we shall see!
But don't hang your heads, brave orange-and-blackers! There will be another day for your exploits! The Brown basket-ballers may hold the upper hand in this rollicking round-robin for now. But the Ivy League is a winnable walkthrough that can still be won if you're oh and one! And it "bears" a warning: payback can be penetratingly painful, and after a easy earn over the Elis, Pennsylvania is also pristinely perfect!
As is custom, this reporter will close his tapping typewritings with a couple of choice Ace Observations...
My my, what a delicious discovery! Small round flatbreads, slathered in salt! A young 'snapper on press row directed me in the correct dipping procedures! This oddly-textured substance, as orange-hued as the uniforms of the Princetons' fine marching corps, is mysteriously tasty! In the gastronomical gradebook, Ace gives "Knotchoes" an Ace-plus!
After viewing some truly salacious half-time leg shows in the big towns, the Tiger-girls who led the rooting were quite refreshing to see in their modest cheering costumes! And prettier than Myrna Loy to boot! Yoo-hoo, young lovely, second from the left! Hello there, cutie!
This reporter is now on exciting assignment to Air Force, as Ace's editor has informed him of their altitudinous hooping heroics! So this is "Ace" Whelliston bringing the exciting world of basket-ball to you at home! Up, up and away!