Analyze The Other Thing

Game 030: at LaSalle 74, Florida International 72 (OT)
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Tom Gola Arena - Philadelphia, PA

As I travel across this great land of ours watching college basketball, there's a certain character I can't seem to escape. He's simply everywhere, and I'm convinced that he's completed his own 100 Games Project many times over. If you go to a lot of games, you've probably run into him too.

Mr. Loud Annoying Superfan

I'm talking about that guy who sits there screaming at the top of his lungs at the players and officials. For the entire game. Mr. Loud Annoying Superfan can generally be found sitting alone, usually somewhere near the back of the arena, and he's always got some type of constructive criticism for someone. In the New York City area he's easily muzzled with a shouted, "You tell 'em, coach!", but he remains a menace just about everywhere else, spreading agita and migraine headaches wherever he goes.

I've always wondered what drives Mr. Loud Annoying Superfan, why he keeps yelling and remains free of self-consciousness when the other people in surrounding rows start finding other places to sit. What does he want? Recognition, acknowledgement, love? Is he hoping someone from the athletic department will come out into the crowd and sign him as an assistant, on the spot? Is he simply crying out for help?

To find out more about what makes Mr. Loud Annoying Superfan tick, I've enlisted the help of Dr. Octavius Bafflestone to analyze his actions at yesterday's meaningless non-conference "sandwich" game between mediocre teams from the Sun Belt (Florida International) and Atlantic 10 (LaSalle). Dr. Bafflestone is a prominent psychoanalyst, a tenured professor at Southeast Wisconsin A&M State, and author of a number of college press-published books, including Oedipus, Once Removed: The Hidden History Of The Yo' Momma Joke. Thanks for joining us here at The Mid-Majority, Doctor.

Thank you very much for having me, Mr. Whelliston.

Okay, let's go to the videotape.

(1) 16:31 LAS 08-02 FLAI FOUL by THOMAS, Jermaine [LAS]
"Oh, that's pathetic! He never touched him! What do you think you're doing, ref? You're awful!"

Professor

This is very interesting. Yes. Subject's claim that "he never touched him" may indeed be an instance of transference neurosis, an association that calls up the residue of past trauma. What he may be saying is, "my father... he never touched me."

(1) 05:34 LAS 23-17 FLAI FOUL by SMITH, Steven [LAS]

"Hey, what was that? He was there five seconds early, that's a textbook charge!"

Professor

The subject's strong urge to view a "charge" - a "textbook" one, at that - is very interesting. Yes. This may represent a desire to "charge" through the shell he's created around himself. The subject may be suffering from what we call conversion syndrome, which occurs when anger or unresolved conflict is allowed to be internalized and suppressed into the subconscious.

(1) 00:22 LAS 29-26 FLAI MISSED 3 PTR by CUNNINGHAM, Tabby [LAS]

"Noooo! That's not your shot, Tabby! Stop! Taking! That! Shot!"

Professor

The subject's desire to imprint his own reality upon the outside world is a troubling display of narcissism - the selfish id runs rampant over the ego and tries to escape the self. I'm afraid we have a very complicated, advanced case here. Yes.

(1) 15:22 LAS 34-34 FLAI REBOUND (OFF) by SIMMS, Kenny [FLAI]

"Baseline! Baseline! Lock it down! And rebound!"

Professor

The subject's use of short, random bursts of abstract terminology is perplexing. What means "lock it down?" Is he wishing to "lock" the house of his memories, trapping his horrible past inside as he burns it down? More research is necessary. Very interesting. Yes.

(2) 03:03 LAS 62-60 FLAI REBOUND (OFF) by BURNETT, Byron [FLAI]

"He was in the lane! Number 15 is in the lane! C'mon, how many seconds does he get?"

Professor

"In the lane" may be acting as a metaphor for the womb here - the subject feels violated by the intrusion of this stranger, he no longer feels safe. Who could this man be who would break this most sacred bond between a mother and son? His father? A mother's illicit paramour?

(2) 00:03 LAS 64-61 FLAI FOUL by NEAL, Sean [FLAI]

"What!?!?!?! What was that about? You're the worst crew I've ever seen! Let the players decide the game!"

Professor

Once again, it seems that the subject is playing out past events by way of transference. He may be stating, "You're the worst parents I've ever seen... Let me decide what I'm going to do with my life."

(OT) 03:09 LAS 69-66 FLAI GOOD! 3 PTR by CUNNINGHAM, Tabby [LAS]

"Yeah! Alright, Tabby! You da man! Whoooooo!"

Professor

Very interesting. Yes. There are any number of reasons why information is not transferred from short-term memory to long-term memory, and most are related to primacy or recency. In this particular case, the subject seems to be forgetting his earlier statements as a matter of simple convenience.

(OT) 00:28 LAS 74-72 FLAI GOOD! FT SHOT by THOMAS, Jermaine [LAS]

"Whooooo! Yeahhhhh! Whooooooo!"

Professor

Oh dear. It appears that the subject has regressed fully to a childlike state, and has lost his capacity to communicate via spoken language. In my professional opinion, I recommend weekly hypnotherapy treatments, and for the subject to be kept away from all public events for several months.

This has been fascinating. Once again, thank you, Doctor Bafflestone.

Professor

You're very welcome.

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